Struggling but kind.

I’m struggling a bit so naturally I’ve been over thinking. Chicken or egg? Am I struggling because I’m overthinking or overthinking because I am struggling? Are they juxtaposed? Did I just shoehorn in juxtaposed to appear smarter than I am? I digress.

You dunno who’s going through what, man.

Be as kind as you can be. A wee indiscriminate act of kindness, something you might forget you did in ten minutes time, a few quid to a homeless person, a pay it forward, lend 50p to that punter who’s short on bus fare and the driver is being intransigent, even a text to someone you’ve not spoken to in a while, donate, volunteer.

If you were to pay too much attention to the news you’d be forgiven for thinking that there is no kindness, or that kindness is a negative thing, a weakness or evidence of naiveté. We need more kindness and less callous indifference. When did helping those in need become a bad thing?

That act of kindness will do you as much good as the person you’re helping.


Don’t be a dick.


I have been feeling a bit lost, hopeless and directionless. I’ve tried to fill my spare time as much as I can and I love the things I do but I keep hitting a wall that I can’t get over.
What’s the point of any of it?
A few hours respite?
An escape?
Escape from what exactly?

I feel like nothing is really satisfying me.

The future terrifies me and I don’t feel safe or secure.

Yet another productive day at work.

Do you prefer a nib or a ball?

I prefer a nib. Maybe it’s a pretentious affectation that I have picked up from somewhere, maybe not, but I do genuinely prefer writing with a nib.

The Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Here’s the thing. I’m not mad about the lead up to or the active part of exercise. I always feel better for having done it and I do genuinely throw myself into it. I’ve never been particularly sporty and I’m not competitive in that sense (although whip out a Trivial Pursuits game and I become utterly merciless and, if I lose, humourless).

Best thing you can do after a shitty day at work.

So, stuff and things.

Recently this chap started a thing called Brazilian Jiu-jitsu. Bloody hell it’s hard. I mean really hard. Constant, intense pressure, always, always, always learning.

It’s only new and I’ve had like maybe half a dozen classes but I reckon it’s a thing now.

It certainly helps with fitness. It cannot but help.

I hurt everywhere all the time but I am active. This is important. Very. I go three times a week and throw in a yoga class once a week too.

Life’s panning out well, actually. This is not a result of what I deserve or anything but a direct result of effort put into goals set.

Nothing worth is achieved quickly or easily.

Open University, end in sight.

Today I received the last module pack of my Open University degree in Humanities. I focus on Philosophy and Religion.

It has been a fascinating experience up til now (with the exception of that Social Science module at level one. Hated that).

Level 1
My first Module, AA100: The Arts past and Present was brilliant. A quite broad brush when it comes to the liberal arts but a great taster and introduction to how to do things at University level.

I shan’t discuss the second module, for it was a proper ballache. (DD101: Introducing the Social Sciences.)

Level 2
Next up, A222 Exploring Philosophy. This is where it kicked in. I felt a jarring with the gear change and often wanted to throw in the towel. It was fascinating but hard. I don’t care what anyone tells you, Philosophy is hard. Grade 3 pass.

A217 Introducing Religions was genuinely fascinating. The VSI series of books it based itself on were amazing. Eyes opened. Grade 2 pass.

Level 3
A333 Key Questions in Philosophy, the module I just completed was again a gear change. I knocked my pan in on this module and thankfully passed with a Grade 2. If I get a grade 1, 2 or 3 pass in my next module, which I should, I will achieve a 2:1

A332, Why is religion controversial. The pack just arrived today but it looks fascinating.

A332 Pack

I’ll enjoy this 🙂


I’m not 100% sure what I’m going to do with this blog. God knows there are enough blogs out there and I am pretty confident that I don’t have anything new or startling to add to the world.

I do need something a bit cathartic though and I’m a wide open book. I once was described as the opposite of anally retentive. Is that anally projective? Anyway I’m a big attention whore who demands privacy but I’m OK with that.

I have a few hobbies and extra-curricular distractions.

I recently started a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class in Holywood with the RMNU club. I am currently having my arse handed to me 3-4 times weekly. Everything hurts all the time. I’m enjoying it all the same.

I do a bit of Improv down at Accidental Theatre in Belfast. This terrifies me but I love it dearly. I’ve completed the beginner courses and will be moving to the intermediate classes as soon as they become available. I’ve been on stage twice and will be again soon enough I hope/dread.

I study part-time with the Open Univesity. I’m doing a B.A. in Humanities (Philosophy and Religious studies). I graduate next year and only today received my pack for my last module “Why are religions controversial”

I’ve recently been diagnosed with type-2 diabetes. I’m managing it beautifully nevertheless.

I’m vehemently pro-choice and advocate for feminism, LGBT+ equal rights and generally I’m what you might describe as a whinging lefty liberal communist snowflake cuck. I’m alright with that too.

So there’s the prologue. I may or may not add anything to this 🙂